Life often feels unfair. As the eldest of my parents’ four children, I experienced this firsthand. Being the “guinea pig” for my siblings meant carrying the weight of responsibility and facing expectations that seemed unequal. My childhood felt like a balancing act of structure and duty, and as I grew older, I brought that mindset into adulthood.
Most of my early decisions were guided by what I believed was required of me. Pleasing others became second nature, but I didn’t fully understand the essence of giving. Over time, I realized that those burdens I carried weren’t a curse but a hidden blessing.
A Misguided Approach to Giving
In my younger years, giving was tied to expectations. I gave my time, energy, and attention, hoping for recognition or reciprocity. Yet, when those expectations weren’t met, the sting of disappointment followed. This pattern led to feelings of resentment, anger, and self-doubt.
The key lesson I missed back then was this: selfless giving is the purest gift you can offer. It requires nothing from the recipient, and in that act of release lies its beauty. True generosity isn’t about expecting something in return—it’s about the joy of offering something from the heart.
Reframing Giving as an Act of Service
When life feels unfair, the instinct might be to close yourself off or hold back. But reframing those feelings as opportunities to serve shifts the narrative. Service isn’t just an act of charity; it’s a way to transform your own pain, struggles, and lessons into something meaningful.
Here’s what I’ve learned about shifting from “life is unfair” to “how can I serve?”:
- Turn Resentment into Gratitude: Instead of resenting the weight I carried as the eldest sibling, I began to see it as preparation. Those years gave me resilience, patience, and leadership skills that continue to serve me.
- Use Gifts and Talents Selflessly: Each of us has unique abilities. Sharing them without the expectation of a return can bring incredible fulfillment.
- Focus on Anticipation, Not Expectation: Anticipating how your service can impact others fosters excitement and joy, while expectation often leads to disappointment.
A Lesson in Letting Go
It’s important to acknowledge that giving selflessly doesn’t erase disappointment or hurt feelings. Even now, I face moments of frustration when things don’t go as planned. But focusing on serving others has helped me move through those emotions without being consumed by them.
When I serve, I feel lighter. The selfish moments that used to lead me down a path of anger or resentment now hold less power over me. Service allows me to celebrate life more fully and connect with people in meaningful ways.
Ultimately, life may not always feel fair, but finding ways to serve transforms that unfairness into an opportunity for growth and connection.
