When I became a father at the age of 23, I was both terrified and determined. My childhood had given me a mixed understanding of what fatherhood should look like. I lived with my father, but I didn’t truly know him. There was a gap between who he was and who I needed him to be, and as I entered fatherhood myself, I realized that gap created a divide in who I was as a man.
My firstborn son changed everything. He brought with him a new hope and an overwhelming sense of responsibility. I was no longer just a young man figuring out life; I was now a father, and I wanted to give my son something better than what I believed I’d been given. But as I began this journey, I soon learned that fatherhood is about more than being “better” than the past. It’s about becoming something greater for the future.
Learning to Lead With Love and Vulnerability
One of the first lessons my son taught me was the value of vulnerability. As a father, I initially believed I needed to be unshakable—someone who always had the answers and never showed weakness. But that illusion didn’t last long. My son didn’t need a perfect father; he needed me. He needed to see my humanity so he could understand his own.
When I embraced this, I began to grow as a person. I learned to apologize when I made mistakes and to communicate with empathy. These were not things I had witnessed growing up, but they became foundational to how I wanted to parent.
Looking Back at My Father’s Role
As I grew into my role as a father, I started to see my own father in a new light. For much of my life, I judged him for what I felt he didn’t provide. I wanted more from him—more guidance, more affection, more understanding. But fatherhood helped me realize that he gave me all he could. He poured into me everything he thought I needed to survive.
The lessons my father taught me were not always spoken, but they were there. He showed me how to work hard and how to carry myself with dignity. He gave me tools for survival, but I now understand that I needed more than survival—I needed a blueprint for living. This realization didn’t just help me forgive my father; it helped me appreciate him.
Redefining Fatherhood Through My Children
My children have become my greatest teachers. Through them, I’ve learned how to be a better father by showing them what it means to be human. It’s not about perfection; it’s about effort and integrity. They have taught me to listen more, to be patient, and to be present in ways I never experienced growing up.
Fatherhood is not just about providing for your children; it’s about shaping their understanding of the world through your actions. My children look to me not just for answers but for examples. They’ve taught me that being a father means leading with love, humility, and the willingness to grow every single day.
