Who or What Are You Grieving?
Sometimes, we find ourselves facing an unexpected inner crisis. I, too, thought I was simply going through a “mild life crisis.” My life suddenly seemed to lose its clarity and direction, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. I was anxious and having panic attacks more frequently than ever before. It felt as if I was grieving, but I wasn’t sure what or who I was grieving.
After seeking counseling to untangle the source of my pain, I found clarity. It turned out that my grief wasn’t over any single event or person—it was over a version of myself, a version that no longer lived within me. I had to confront the loss of dreams and hopes that had once shaped my identity, realizing that I’d been clinging to a vision of myself that no longer served me. I wasn’t prepared for how deeply I would feel the loss of a life I never truly lived.
1. Recognizing the Invisible Grief of Losing Parts of Yourself
Most of us understand grief in the context of losing a loved one. But what happens when the loss isn’t physical, when you’re grieving parts of yourself that no longer exist? This type of grief often goes unnoticed, both by ourselves and by others. I didn’t understand that the emotions I was experiencing were grief, but once I did, it all began to make sense. I was grieving the lost dreams, hopes, and parts of myself that had quietly faded away over time.
When we let go of a part of our identity—whether it’s a career path we didn’t pursue, a relationship that changed, or simply outgrowing certain beliefs—we experience a form of grief. This kind of grief may seem invisible, but it’s real, and it deserves our time and attention.
2. Asking the Important Question: Who or What Are You Grieving?
Understanding that we can grieve more than people opens up a necessary question: who or what are you grieving? For me, it was the loss of a dream, a hope that had defined my sense of purpose. But for you, it might be different. Maybe you’re grieving the person you thought you’d be, or the life you once envisioned.
Identifying the source of your grief can be a powerful first step in processing it. This process isn’t always easy, and it may take time. Be patient with yourself as you explore these feelings. Often, these unprocessed emotions resurface as anxiety, restlessness, or even a sense of panic, like the ones I was experiencing.
3. Giving Yourself Permission to Grieve
One of the most healing steps in this process is to give yourself permission to grieve. You don’t need a tangible loss to validate your pain. When I finally allowed myself to sit with my emotions and honor my grief, I was able to begin the process of healing. Those feelings I had been dismissing deserved my attention, just as much as if I were grieving a loved one.
Understanding the grief of losing a part of yourself is complex, but it’s necessary. In my journey, I realized that holding onto unprocessed grief had been weighing me down, preventing me from moving forward. By acknowledging and honoring that grief, I found a new sense of peace.
